Therapy Speak and Neurodivergence: Why It’s Not One-Size-Fits-All

In today’s world, phrases like “boundaries,” “triggered,” and “self-care” have become a regular part of our daily vocabulary. These terms are often thrown around in conversations, particularly on social media, to describe emotional states or coping strategies. But here’s the thing, when these “therapy speak” phrases are applied to neurodivergent individuals, like those with ADHD or autism, things can get a bit tricky. Let’s take a deeper look at why therapy speak and neurodivergence aren’t always a perfect fit.

The Rise of Therapy Speak: Help or Hype?

You’ve probably heard the term “therapy speak” a thousand times. It’s that collection of buzzwords that comes straight out of therapy sessions and into our everyday lives. Words like “toxic positivity,” “narcissistic abuse,” and “gaslighting” have gone from serious therapy lingo to the go-to phrases for explaining every emotional encounter. And while these terms are valuable tools in understanding ourselves and others, when they become mainstream, they lose some of their nuance and meaning.

And here’s the kicker: therapy speak can actually end up alienating neurodivergent people, like those with ADHD or autism. Why? Because these terms were never designed with the complexities of neurodivergent brains in mind. Instead of making emotional experiences clearer, they can often complicate things, especially when used without a full understanding of the person on the receiving end.

The Neurodivergent Brain: A Different Lens

Neurodivergence, including conditions like ADHD, autism, and others, encompasses a wide range of cognitive and emotional experiences. For example, ADHD can make it difficult to stay focused or regulate emotions, and autism may involve heightened sensory sensitivities or challenges with social communication. These differences don’t mean something’s “broken”; they just represent a different way of experiencing the world.

Here’s where things get tricky. Therapy speak and neurodivergence don’t always align. Therapy speak can unintentionally pathologize or oversimplify neurodivergent experiences. For instance:

• “Boundaries”: For many, this means knowing when to say “no” or taking a step back. But for neurodivergent individuals, boundaries may be more fluid or misunderstood, particularly in social interactions. The expectation of rigid boundaries could lead to shame or confusion, as it doesn’t always fit with how someone with autism might process the world.
• “Gaslighting”: This term refers to manipulative behaviour designed to make someone doubt their perception of reality. But, if an autistic person struggles with communication or social cues, they may be unfairly labelled as “gaslighting” when, in fact, they are simply having a difficult time expressing themselves or understanding others.
• “Toxic positivity”: This idea, which encourages individuals to remain positive regardless of circumstances, can be especially harmful. For neurodivergent individuals, who may experience more intense emotional highs and lows, being told to “just think positive” can invalidate their very real struggles and leave them feeling even more isolated.

Why It’s a Problem: Over-Simplification & Misapplication

Let’s break it down a bit more. Therapy speak relies heavily on labels and categories, but neurodivergent experiences don’t always fit neatly into those boxes. For example:

• “Boundaries”: When this is used as a blanket term, it might not take into account the difficulties someone with autism or ADHD experiences in recognising or asserting boundaries. This isn’t always a “boundary issue,” but rather a challenge with communication or sensory overload.
• “Gaslighting”: This term is often used for clear manipulative behaviours. But it can be misapplied when neurodivergent individuals struggle with expressing or interpreting social cues. This can lead to a feeling of alienation, rather than understanding.

Creating Space for Neurodivergent Experiences in Therapy Speak

So, what can we do about this? The first step is making therapy speak more inclusive. That doesn’t mean eliminating these phrases altogether; it just means using them in ways that recognise the diversity of human experiences. Here are a few ways to make therapy speak work for everyone:

1. Recognise the Individual: Instead of using therapy speak as a blanket label for certain behaviours, take a moment to understand the person you’re talking to. If someone with ADHD is struggling, don’t just chalk it up to a “lack of discipline.” Consider other factors like executive dysfunction, emotional dysregulation, or sensory overload. These nuances matter.
2. Foster Open Conversations: Therapy speak is meant to help people articulate their emotions, but it’s only helpful when it’s used properly. Let’s start conversations around these terms, ask questions, and provide space for people to express their own experiences.
3. Incorporate Neurodivergence Into the Conversation: We need to expand the conversation beyond just self-help. Acknowledge the cognitive and emotional differences of neurodivergent people and how therapy speak can be adapted to better suit them. It’s about being inclusive, not just about self-improvement.

How Therapy Speak Can Be Reclaimed

The goal here isn’t to throw therapy speak out the window. Instead, let’s work on reclaiming these terms to make them more inclusive and useful for everyone. That means:

• Being aware of the individual’s neurodivergence and how they process information.
• Asking questions and offering clarification when terms are used.
• Creating space for neurodivergent people to explain how these terms apply (or don’t apply) to them.

What Can We Do Now?

Next time you find yourself about to use a trendy therapy term, stop and think about who you’re talking to and how it might land. Are you labelling behaviours as problematic when they could be explained by neurodivergence? Are you unintentionally invalidating someone’s feelings by applying a term that doesn’t fully capture their experience?

In the end, the goal is to foster understanding, not judgement, and that means taking extra care with the language we use. Let’s make sure that therapy speak is truly helpful and not just another set of words that reinforces social expectations. After all, the most important thing is creating a safe space for everyone to express themselves, whether they’re neurodivergent or neurotypical.

Conclusion

While therapy speak can help many people express their emotional experiences, it’s important that we don’t use it to oversimplify. Or worse, invalidate the nuanced experiences of neurodivergent individuals. We need to be mindful of how these terms are used, recognising the diverse and valid ways in which people experience the world. By using therapy speak inclusively and thoughtfully, we can create a space for more empathetic, respectful conversations, no matter who we’re talking to.